Testify is not the typical band that finds its way into The Blasphemer. Testify is German Industrial/Metal that is said to be Europe's answer to Ministry. An interview with Testify in another Metal Magazine got my attention, so I decided to keep an open mind and ask this band a few questions. Read on and form your opinion of this group.
Doug First off, I've heard you guys have been compared to anyone from Manson to Nine Inch Nails. Do you think Nine Inch Nails sucks ten inch dicks?
Myk What do you mean? Ten inch length or diameter? But, nevertheless, this is an interesting question, which we Testifylers already discussed some years ago while recording "Mouthful Of Mud, Eat The Dirt, Crawl The Dust" (Track 9 from "MMMYAOOOO")
DougDo you think you guys bring more to the ball game than the average Ministry band?
Myk I don't know anything about ball games, in fact we're totally asexual; and that's exactly the reason for our being that frustrated and our being filled with shit and anger, the results of which is this weird "musical" construct called Testify.
Doug Why is Electronic music usually so limp wristed? What do you guys do that's more heterosexual?
Myk This question astonishes me; for it is my personal mentally deranged habit to refer to music that is fluffy and soft as being "homosexual" - which means - mark it! - no offence to homosexuality of course, me being the headmaster of all homos, har. So you think our stuff being more heterosexual, eh?! Being less limp wristed? That's very courteous of you.....
Doug Most of the shit in your genre is so trendy. I mean at least if you're going to be trendy and be a little heavy, fucking make it so fucking loud that it annoys the fuck out of everyone and makes people want to put you out of your misery. However, I saw in one interview where you fought off being called trendy. Explain.
Myk Everyone is fighting off being trendy, as far as I know - which at least should bring me to the statement that in fact we are trying to be trendy - in order to become the great exception in the circus. But to be honest we don't care. But wait! That is another fucking standard-phrase which should be avoided! So what are we? Limp wristed homosexuals? At least we want to make people put us out of our misery, there you are totally right - we only make albums to be pitied by all the world - good strategy?
Doug How do you like being called a poor man's Marilyn Manson? I think if you're gonna be a faggot, at least do it and leave no questions left unanswered about your sexuality, or fucking don't do it at all. What do you think?
Myk I think that strangely enough this whole interview is about various kinds of sexuality, which of course is an interesting matter, nevertheless not one of the real big Testify themes, which for example are the burning anger, the heated wrath, the fiery rage, the boiling fury, the hot temper, the seething hatred, the searing ire, the torrid exasperation and - not to forget - the blazing hot animosity, oh juckuruh. By the way - faggot is American slang, in German "Fagott" means "bassoon" which is, as you perhaps know, a wind-instrument, which has something to do with blow jobs - and so we have reached our favourite theme again, harr. Moreover Testify released their first stuff in early 1993 - and I don't remember that anyone knew about Marilyn Manson those days - but I fear the guy's better in faggotness than us Testify homos.
Doug Do you guys think you can out heavy a band called "Cryptopsy?" Do you guys think that if you ran into anything brutal or culturally elite, you would know?
Myk I don't know "Cryptopay", and I hate running into anything culturally alike, whotever that may mean - the only thing I'd like to run intoo is L.A.'s Angelyne's boobs, haha.
Doug Does it take any talent to play guitar or anything in a mostly industrial band? Or do you not really care what people think?
Myk For heaven's sake it doesn't take any talent to play in an Industrial combo - only the talent to be able to put a shiny/deceiving facade around the big hollow inside.
Doug Some people say you have "aggro-thrash" elements. What the fuck is the difference between agressive thrash and thrash? Wasn't thrash by itself heavy enough? I don't see any industrial band being more "heavy" than a real thrash band when it comes to writing the riffs. Do you think you guys have bigger genitals than most thrash outfits?
Myk Ah, sexual questions again! I had already started missing them! And moreover I slowly begin to suspect that you have something against the fucking Industrial genre, he?!? (If I were not that slow in thinking, I would have suspected that already at question 3 or 4, curse this mental weakness)- but you really should not worry that much: The real, heaviest, most brutal and biggest genital-ized scene is of course the rock'n'roll-hand made scene, where "thrash" need no "aggro-" in front to make clear that here the most violent, most vicious and less limp wristed guys are at work, O.K.?
Doug You said in another magazine that you copy anything you've ever heard and decided to like. Are you guys not concerned about being original? There is a band called Inferno that has said before that some riffs are so good they deserve to be used twice. I thought that was right on.
Myk I have to admit that at least in one point Inferno is original, and much more original than Testify: Although they also claim to be not original, they invented the far better answer to this question. I think it is so good an answer that it deserves to be used twice - and next time we're confrontated with the Original-question, I hope to have their answer in mind.
Doug Last question, and the most important you'll ever face in your entire life. If you could change one thing about pussy, what would it be?
Myk The last sexual question, and before you had ended your
question, I was smiling about the idiotic idea that the following
question would turn out to be the most important in my whole life-----
but I stand corrected: This with no doubt is the most important in my
whole life. If I could change one thing about pussy, I think it would be
its being vertical, ----O.K.?
Thanx for yer astonishing funny questions!
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